Something else I don’t do at TPV is sports. I’m not into sports. Not professional, amateur, college, Olympic — you name it, I don’t care. But this weekend, I went to my first college football game.
And you know what? You know how much I care about you people? I did it for you. I said to myself, “Wow, this will make a great post for the blog.” That’s how much I care.
I went with three guys, all alums. It was the homecoming game, so feelings were high. The whole vibe was very male, way above my testosterone rating. The conversation included references to guys with names like Boston Mike and Soccer Dave, as if Damon Runyon ran ESPN.
The music, that’s always key for me. It was an unusual array from the two school bands:
“Jungle Boogie” (Kool & The Gang)
“Take on Me” (a-ha)
“Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” (Michael Jackson)
“Mars: The Bringer of War” (from Gustav Holst’s The Planets Suite)
“The Throne Room/End Title” (from John Williams’ score for Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope)
“Imperial March (Darth Vader’s Theme)” (from John Williams’ score for Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back and also a direct rip-off from “Mars: The Bringer of War”)
“O Fortuna” (from Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana)
“Crazy In Love” (Beyonce)
“Get Ready” (The Temptations)
Periodically, the opposing team’s band would play Gary Glitter’s “Rock And Roll (Part 2),” which is a longtime classic sporting anthem. As they came around to the chorus, which goes “rock and roooooll, rock and roll,” the people around me would quietly sing, “Heeeey, you suck.”
There were key audience participation moments. Each time the home team made first down, the crowd would chant (complete with hand gestures). First a long, drawn-out (while circling the hand in the air) “Ooooooh…” Then, “Move those chains, move those chains, move those chains, unh!”
Each touchdown led to cannon being fired and an outbreak of high-fiving. One pair of brothers would also rub each other’s head.
Important defensive moments were “key” plays, which meant that you took out your keys and jingled them in the air, presumably for good luck.
I learned this bit of advice, freely offered by one of my compatriots repeatedly: “Protect the ball, move the ball, in that order.”
During the half-time, the marching band performed selections from the soundtrack to The Incredibles by Michael Giacchino: “The Glory Days,” “Bob Vs. The Omnidroid” and “The Incredits.”
When the whole thing was over (the home school won handily), the band played what I was told was the selection “The Battle” from the score to Gladiator.
All of this including two hours of tailgating before the game (grilled hot dog and hamburger, lime Tostitos and salsa, two microbrew beers consumed well before noon) and two-and-a-half hours after (pretty much a repeat on the food and beverages), all in a parking lot on campus.
A good time was had by all, just for your benefit and amusement.